Stanford, United States – Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is more than a concept. It is a lived skill — one that can be seen not only in how we act, but in the words we choose every day. According to Stanford lecturer and communication expert Matt Abrahams, certain phrases naturally reveal whether someone possesses strong emotional intelligence.
Unlike technical skills, EQ cannot be measured through scores or standard tests. It reflects empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to connect meaningfully with others. Abrahams highlights that daily communication offers clues, and when we listen carefully, we can recognize emotional intelligence in action.
One of the most powerful indicators is summarizing what another person has just said. Expressions such as “What I hear you saying is…” or “From what I understand…” not only show active listening, but also validate the speaker’s experience. “It feels good to be summarized,” Abrahams explains. “It builds trust and likability — qualities that people with high EQ cultivate naturally.”
A second marker lies in asking questions that go deeper than facts, and into emotions. Instead of sticking to surface-level inquiries, emotionally intelligent individuals use questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What might have led you to that decision?” These questions invite openness and convey genuine care.
Beyond words, nonverbal cues matter just as much. Maintaining eye contact, nodding, and affirming with simple gestures or phrases show presence and attentiveness. Combined with empathetic language, these small signals reinforce connection and trust.
Emotional intelligence, Abrahams stresses, is not about perfection but presence. It is about creating an environment where others feel heard, validated, and understood. In a world where communication is constant, those who practice these subtle habits stand out as thoughtful, compassionate leaders.
Ultimately, EQ is not only about managing one’s own emotions, but about elevating others through conversation. By incorporating these phrases into our daily interactions, we can strengthen relationships, foster trust, and inspire those around us.
